Sunday, June 22, 2008

Honky Society

In a more and more desperate attempt to sell overpriced, gas-guzzling American autos, the latest gimmick from Detroit are remote door locks that honk the horn. Ah, now by disturbing everyone with loud horn honking, Detroit can allow the mass lumpen to proudly draw attention to the vehicle whose payments they cannot afford, in front of the house they probably cannot afford.

Indeed, on a recent trip to the once serene Jenny Lake, the birds were squawking and one must wonder if it was laughter or disgust at the horn honking visitors drawing attention to their over-sized 4-wheel drive needed for their "rugged" vacation between motels. Of course one wonders why they even need to remotely lock their doors since they can't seem to walk their overweight bodies more than 25 feet from the vehicle.

It's pathetically sad to think that obnoxious blaring horns is the best Detroit can do to sell cars. As for the folks buying or renting these cars, has our lumpen society has become so stupefied by consumer candyland that they just press the button, no matter what comes out?

In the past, people have tried to cover up their mistakes. But now the American public is loudly tooting it's horn, in fact, even waking up it's neighbors when it comes in too late at night, all to show off it's latest step in the mass consumerist lemming march to the sea.

Of course for those still wanting to be more discreet, Toyota's autos emit only a far quieter, less annoying squeak. And Toyota seems to be the only auto company selling a lot, duh!, is it only coincidence ?

But just wait, soon we'll have $2.99 downloadable ringtones for your auto locks.

Friday, June 13, 2008

Airlines Have Baggage Bassackwards

Once again, the major unprofitable airlines are doing the wrong thing. One of the biggest problems with airline travel has to do with carry-on baggage. It has created a nightmare at the TSA checkpoints; it creates a nightmare in loading and deplaning times and for the on-board staff, and it destroys the travel experience as your head gets banged and your suit coat gets managled by someone shoving a huge ski boot duffle bag into the overhead bin. Carryons cost the airlines lots of money.

So, now the major, money-losing carriers have worsened the problem by charging for checked bags, only encouraging people to carry on more junk. Maybe shareholders should have mandatory drug testing for the executives that dream up this stuff.

One only needs to look at NetJets to see how the process should work. Passengers flying NetJets are not hunched over carrying on a week's worth of supplies - instead they bring on maybe an overcoat and briefcase. Apparently, that's all successful people need on a flight. Other stuff is checked in the back. And of course, they are willing to pay a high premium for this "limitation".

So, shouldn't the major airlines try to copy this ? Doesn't Hyundai try to copy BMW? Now of course to limit carry-ons, airlines will have to stop losing checked bags, and reduce the 45 minute delay time to get it to the terminal - but that's not exactly rocket science.

Sunday, June 8, 2008

Say No to Lousy Cafes

Eating/Coffee places have proliferated based on the idea of being community gathering places for young and old alike. This includes establishments like Einsteins, Starbucks, Barnes & Noble, Borders, Paradise Bakery, even McDonalds and Wendys. In fact Starbucks grew their entire business on the "experience" concept. Yet in my own experience of going to these places all around the country, Panera Bread is the only company to get it right. And a few McDonalds (depending on the franchise owner), are the only places I've had a manager stop by and ask how everything was. Otherwise, service outright stinks in most of these places making it a lousy customer experience. Amazingly, it seems to be the same several problematic issues across most of these companies:

1) Crappy Loud Music
Who want's "Jumpin Jack Flash" blaring when you're trying to read over coffee or conduct business or talk to friends. At one Starbucks I saw two tables of 30'ish people curse out the blaring music and leave. At another Starbucks the music was so bad I asked the manager to turn it down, then after he then went to the bathroom he came back and finally turned it down as if he couldn't be bothered, only to have another employee turn it up 5 minutes later - I haven't gone back to another Starbucks since.

2) Ear Piercing Oven Alarms
I just walked out of Einsteins for the last time this week after getting a splitting headache from the constant ear piercing alarm signals on their ovens, etc. Hey my microwave is not that bad, why is theirs?

3) Dirty Tables
This varies from place to place but too many places have employees who can't be bothered to clean the tables - I see customers wiping down their own tables, while paying a bunch of money for the pleasure - what lumpen fools.

4) Disruptive Employees
Either loud talking/yelling between themselves, loud banging of utensils, or even sweeping/mopping under your feet while you are seated is really pretty bad. Mostly it comes from unmanaged, undisciplined 19 year olds running the place.

5) Lack of Free Wireless
In today's world, free wireless should be a given. Every traveling business person needs to check their email, demo something, look up addresses, etc. The media made a big unfounded commotion over internet squatters hanging out in places all day but frankly, I have seen very little of this and even then all establishments need to do is simply hang a sign that advises customers of a 1-2 hr internet limit, and then just nicely remind violators of this.

6) Making You Do The Work
At Seattle's Best (in Borders) they hand you a full cup of hot coffee and expect you not to spill it while making you walk across the store to put a lid on it.

Notice I have not commented about the food / coffee - basically the food/drink product is pretty good in all these places - it's the management that's absent.